I LOVE horses. Everything about being in the presence of a horse is soothing and energizing to me. Almost everything, cleaning the stalls, picking the feet, grooming, riding, the smell of the barn, ok not the price. It is the one thing I wish for more money for….. to ride.
My girls know that their mama loves horses. They have pointed them out to me from time to time. They have looked at pictures of me with horses, and they have made passing comments in context about possibly wanting to hang out with a horse “sometime in the future.” The beauty of time, bonding, attaching, and wanting to be and do ALL things mom, my girls had declared they too LOVED horses. It made me smile, it warmed my heart, it reminded me that they are LISTENING to everything I say. In addition to the desire to be all things mom, an increase in language has made finding things we can connect over that much easier.
Of course with the declaration that they too LOVED horses I capitalized on an opportunity that we had to hang out as a family with horses. Of course we talked about what to expect and they raised their eyebrows at their crazy mom who regresses in age and becomes extremely giddy about spending time with horses. We laughed, they laughed and then the day arrived.
We arrived at the barn and the girls were each matched with a volunteer, sized for helmets, learned about how to greet a horse and the tools used for grooming, and finally got a picture of the horse assigned to each girls
Julissa quickly declared that she hated horses and was not going to participate. I HEARD what she was saying and I reflected it to her. “Honey, I think you are feeling a little scared right now.” In my Julissa girls way she replied, “oh ma, I’m not scared this is just stupid.” Again, I reflected what I HEARD in her statement. (I’m scared and I don’t even know how to identify this feeling and surely you would not know what I feel. If this is stupid I save face and, and, and.) So I gently reflected again, sometimes when we are scared we think we don’t like things. Its ok to feel a little scared or nervous. I want to remind you that mom and dad would never bring you someplace that was not safe. I left it at that.
At the same time, Julissa is just that much older, with experiences that make trusting a painful risk. She began to use the word, “this is a little scary” or “I am scared, a little.” Then she agreed to stand at the door of the stall and watch me pick the feet,
she massaged the horse for 10 seconds and went back to watching as I groomed and chatted with her horse, Guinness. She kept reminding me, “be careful mum, be careful.” I assured her that I was and talked to her about each thing I was doing. 
By the time we were ready to lead the horse from the barn to the arena, she agreed to hold the end of the lead while I held close to the horse. Half way to the arena I lagged behind and she was doing it on her own with her volunteer. It was exciting to watch her develop a small sense of comfort with the horse and trust that she was safe. 
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| By the end of our two hours she made her horse a treat and gave him a hearty patting goodbye. |
I LISTENED to my daughter’s words and HEARD what she needed. She needed help connecting to the feeling scared, to be reminded that her mom and dad would not bring her someplace that was not safe, and to be given the opportunity to experience and reconcile her feelings and experiences. It was BEAUTIFUL to watch and I was/am so proud of my girl. Another positive experience, another connection to feelings, another opportunity to trust and feel safe, another step on the journey of healing.
Hearing the message in our children's words is critical if we desire to be a safe place for our children to heal and grow.
WE LOVE YOU JULISSA GABRIELLA COREY!
