Still Choosing JOY, BUT it HURTS

I woke early this morning, unsettled and thinking of my daughters... and about how excited I had been about being with them for Christmas. I KNOW, we will be with them soon, but for today, I am dealing with a deep pain in my heart as I long to be with with our daughters.  I did everything in my human ability to assist in moving this process along and it was not enough.  I can not do all things on my own.... a lesson I have repeatedly learned and leaned into in this process, has once again been confirmed. 

Calling the national this and the national that and speaking to people on the other end, who have no sense of urgency, does not help. 

I have revisited the day we learned that we were parents to these two AMAZING girls.  I can not help but recall the JOY, the JOY of hearing Julissa's voice on her 12th birthday, the JOY others have offered through prayers, thoughts, and gifts.  So much JOY to know and experience today.  It is in my head and in my heart, but today I am struggling with experiencing JOY, because sadness crept up. 

And then I am reminded of the words of a man whom I admire greatly, a man who died just one year ago traveling home to his family (several of whom he became daddy to through the miracle of adoption) after being at a training to help fight human trafficking, Derek Loux.

My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him.”

So as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, who redeemed us, who taught us how to live, I am CHOOSING JOY on this Christmas Eve.  JOY that I have found as I rely on our Savior to wipe away my tears today. JOY in the privilege to be called Mommy. 

JOYFUL

As I spend time thinking about what it means to be JOYFUL, to experience JOY and to choose JOY, I am reminded that much like LOVE, JOY is a choice. I have so much to be joyful about.  JOY is an emotion or a state of being and I my friends, have great reason to be JOYful, experience JOY and to choose JOY, even in the waiting.  We are parents to two girls who long to be part of a family and whom we long to parent. What JOY!!! We have grown and learned in the midst of this loooong journey and I appreciate growing & learning.  What JOY!


I am not going to let the sadness of this waiting STEAL MY JOY... I AM JOYful and I WILL express my JOY that we have made great strides in this journey in the last 4 months.  It does not serve me well to focus on the sadness that I experience and miss out on experiencing JOY. 


As I began to meditate on JOY, and the idea of being intentional about experiencing and knowing JOY.  My sweet friend Paige  surprised me with this necklace. 

 
I had decided to have her make a necklace for Julissa for our Gotcha Day gift.  When I received the package I was delighted.  
I have had it on every waking hour since it arrived mid week.  Thank you friend, thank you for being part of the JOY I am knowing in this time of waiting.


We have had people reach out and give donations to offset the increased expenses of the high season of travel to Peru.  What JOY it brings to my heart to know people are thinking of us and our daughters and have joined us in this way on our journey!


In the sadness of not being with our daughters, my sister Tarsha, called and said I want to help you make stockings to bring with you when you DO go.  In our excitement I shared I wanted to make them stockings from burlap and we quickly embarked on this project.  About as quick as we embarked, we realized that using a sewing machine was neither of our fortes, however, considering we are both quite resourceful, she placed a text to her friend JOY for some help.  

These stockings will make the trek to Peru and fill my daughters hearts with JOY as they place their tender hands inside and to find the treasures that await.

Friends, family, and followers, let me encourage you to never forgo the JOY one, two, three or more orphans can bring to you in the waiting.