One Year and Counting

It is hard to believe that Ben & I have been married for one year. Nov 17th marked one year. What a great day! On Saturday, Ben had planned a "suprise getaway." He made dinner reservations at The Robinhood Free Meeting House, where we got married. It was sooooo good, oh yea that's why we chose to have our wedding there. He then proceeded to take me to the honeymoon suite we stayed in the night of our wedding and then to Mae's Cafe & Bakery for a fabulous breakfast.

November 17th 2007- our wedding day. What a day. I remember it vividly and tears come to my eyes as I recall seeing Ben at the font of the chapel and feeling like I couldn’t get to him quick enough. We had a great evening. My only complaint is that it ended to early.

Chef Michael Gagne

Desserts @ our tasting
the chapel

Tasting with Tara

This past year has been full of changes. I am not talking little changes either. As we are reflected on our 1 year anniversary, here is the reality of the past year + 12 weeks.

As of last August 26th

8/26/07- got engaged

11/01/08- bought a house

11/17/07- Married (planned and executed a wedding 1 day shy of 12 weeks)

02/00/08 Learned that the state of Maine was low on funds and that my program would be cut.
06/30/08- said goodbye to Juvenile Risk Reduction Program and all my incredible employees

07/01/08 started a new position (still @ Spurwink)

08/09/08 determined this position was not going to work for me

08/26/08 resigned from Spurwink effective 09/26/08

09/26/08 last day at Spurwink

09/28/08 moved to Beverly, MA

10/01/08 started a new job

10/3/08 Casanova (my cat snuck out and never returned.)

11/02/08 Chance died. :(

11/17/08 ONE YEAR

Here I am today reviewing the year and wondering why I am processing a little slow? Research has shown that the top stressors in ones life consist of, marriage, moving, purchase of a home, change of job or job responsibilities. I qualify for each of the above and some more than once and multiple. I am grateful for all of my/our opportunities and I am excited to be on this adventure with Ben. Grateful for all of the opportunities I have had and the learning along the way.

It's so exciting, we are about to celebrate ONE year of marriage. November 17, 2007 was our day big day. We have been reminiscing about the “just under 12 weeks” we had to plan our wedding, over the last few weeks in anticipation of our one year.

Love is a wonderful choice. When I said yes to Ben on August 26th I knew that neither of us were without fault and that our differences would bring us great joy, as well as, some great pain. The beauty is that without pain you can not really expereince true joy. As we celebrate our first year of marriage and I reflect on the year, indeed we have had times of pure bliss, and just as I anticipated some times where I thought, not this kind of pain, but overall, our first year has been one that I would do again.

August 26th 2007, the hottest day of the summer. We climbed a mountain and spent time hanging out before Benjamin wrote me a poem and asked me to marry him.

Here atop this mountain
We can see the lows and the highs
We can view the deepest valleys,
And admire the brightest skies.

The path of life will lead us
To mountains of great sights,
While the path will also take us,
To valleys of the darkest nights.

Yet follow the markings of His trail I will
Wherever they may lead
While listening for his voice alone,
Being the one that I shall heed.

Yet traveling His unknown path
Can prove difficult when all alone,
And so, he desires us to have a partner,
Where two shall cleave a home.

I know not where this trail calls me
Yet my helpmate I long you to be-
So, Miss Tracy Lynn Downing,
Will you marry me?

8/26/07

A Child's Perspective

Wow- I have so many thoughts running through my mind and have. The loss of my Chance has been very difficult and added to those thoughts… stayed tuned, I will write.

I had recently written about my special niece, Hannah. The sisters are, all big little girls at heart when it comes to dolls and the plan was for the sisters to visit last weekend to attend the Grand Opening of The American Girl Store, in Natick, MA. The sisters came and indeed we went to the Grand Opening and did some shopping.

At the end of the day on Saturday we returned to my house and I asked Hannah if she wanted to say goodbye to Chance. She said goodbye Chance and patted her, she gave aunt Tracy big hugs and off she went

On Sunday morning my dad arrived with the pumpkin bread, that my sister made, and a drawing from Hannah. I learned later from a phone call with her that the picture was of Chance standing up under a table. She said, “I made Chance standing up under a table and small so you would be happy. If I made her lying down and big then you would be sad because it would be time for her to die.”

I had a follow up conversation with her mom and she reported this process began with Hannah’s American Girl doll (Cornis- as named by Hannah) after leaving my house.

Cornis- are we going back to Aunt Tracy’s to see Chance die.

Mommy (Hannah) no Corn we are not going back.

After dropping the auntie’s off Hannah began to dialogue with her mom about Chance. She explained to her mom that she was going to draw me a picture and that she could see it in her head. Sadly she cried about the reality

We miss her and appreciate the calls and cards offering comforting words. She was an AMAZING confidant.

Three Hard Days

Saturday, Chancie girl and her mom & dad

2 weeks ago at the park down the road. Isn't she a beautiful girl?

Chancie girl and her dad. A man's best friend for SURE!

On Friday I arrived home from work to be greeted by Ben saying , “we need to talk.” He explained that Chance was no longer able to walk and that we needed to make some decisions. We tried and tried to get her up to no avail. We both love her so much. She has been with me in some of the hardest times in my life licking my tears and making me laugh. She had my great grampa wrapped as he planned his days around her while I was here in Boston for grad school. She broke every rule my mother ever thought of. She holds meaning in relationships that have been difficult. There is something about loving me if you love my Chancy girl and heartache when you find her a bother.

Having to decide and plan her death was really difficult. Friday night was a rough night as she tried several times to get up. Saturday morning, we took her out on a blanket and laid the blanket on the grass and she was able to use her front legs and I put my hands under her and used my feet to push her back legs and she was able to go to the bathroom. Saturday she just laid around and spent the day with Ben and Saturday night we put her up on our bed for half of the night, but she couldn’t get comfortable and didn’t really sleep most of the night. She was clearly becoming more uncomfortable and we knew we had to make the call. Aunt Tanya made pumpkin bread (her absolute all time favorite food) for her and sent it down with my dad this morning. Daddy was planning a trip to see Tarsha in Western MA, with her friend Alison. Tarsha came over yesterday after we had a sister day and changed plans with Alison to have dad come to my house and they went with us to the vet.

We gave Chance bones and treats and even a donut hole, she sniffed but didn’t eat. When dad arrived with the pumpkin bread she ate it and looked for more. Thank you aunt Tanya for your love & support as we said goodbye to our girl.

We loaded her into the Explorer for her final R_I_D_E. She loved rides, so we always had to spell it. She was confused as to why papa was in the front seat and she was laying in the back seat with mom and Aunt Tarsha, thank you Aunt Tarsha for hanging out with us and loving on our girl and loving us in our grief.

As we arrived at the vet, my nephew Isaac called and wanted to say good bye to Chance. He said, goodbye Chance, I love you and I will see you in heaven. It was so sweet.

We took her in and spent the last few minutes with her, she was calm and loving on us. The veterinarian came in and took her for an IV line and brought her back. She buried her head between us and as they injected her she picked her head up and looked us right in the eyes before laying her head down on Ben.

It has been a difficult weekend to say the least. We are numb, sad and our humble home feels really big. She had a presence that will not soon be forgotten.

We love you Chance. Thank you for all the great memories.