Navigating through another extended weekend due to the holiday. Not a minute passes that I am not thinking of our daughters. I am grateful for the friends I can call and cry with or rehash the knowns and unknowns. Some who know the journey as they have been united with their child(ren), while others continue to wait to be matched. The world of adoption is expanded when we dare to share our journeys through blogging. I have "met" and shared with some wonderful people. Taking the risk of being known results in being encouraged and an opportunity to encourage others. Blogging was one risk I carefully chose in 2010 and one that I would not trade. If I can encourage one person or one family to embark on the adoption journey with eyes wide open through this blog.... I will be delighted!
Adoption is NOT a journey that is predictable, carefully carved out, calm, or comforting. However, I STILL BELIEVE that it is a journey that is more than worth it. I have not even met our daughters in person and they have already taught me so much! Seeing their pictures and hearing their voices (and I must say they both have an innocents left in their voices) are gifts that I hold tightly during this waiting!
Closing out 2010 separated from our daughters is NOT what I had planned at the close of 2009. I held onto the notion that we would be together soon and a whole year later that word "soon" has a different meaning. As I reflect on 2010 and welcome 2011 I am determined to continue to choose JOY.
It amazes me that wen I choose to spend my time and energy on love and JOY, how great the reward. I feel so filled up.
Today our Puerto Rican rescue dog, or should I say our dog who rescued me/us in our waiting, clearly communicated to me that she needed a good run at the beach, so off we went...... a family of 3.
Daddy & Saige searching for goods.
Saige checking in after a mad dash through rocks, sand and water. (perhaps past a dog or two)
Saige found 2 live crabs today. She was so proud.
What a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L day! No wind, no breeze, just sun, warmth and SMILES! Finding JOY in the beauty of creation and having a beach just 2 blocks from our house, a dog that has been a great distraction, full of love, and who licks away my tears of sadness. Seriously she is a rescue dog and they have a reputation as being runners, insecure, the street dog reputation. Saige has been so fun to watch as she feels more secure in our home, as she learns to be a dog, to explore, to get the tail out from between her legs, to run like the speed of lightening (but not away from us, she is too attached for that!) She has grown to love the beach and today she dug and found 2 crabs. Ben and I were laughing and smiling as we talked about all the gains she has made and what an incredible addition she has been to our little family. Of course every conversation leads to Julissa & Johanna and how much fun it would have been for them today! Thankfully we could SMILE and add it to our list of "things we can't wait to do as a family" with no tears.
In this season of focusing on choosing/finding JOY I am thankful for the moments when I find a reprieve from the angst/pain of the waiting. Remembering to live in the moment and not let these times pass me by!
Ending 2010 with mixed emotions & honest reflections.... hopeful to encourage others, thankful for friends, loving what I have, cherishing what lies ahead, thrilled to be a mama, longing to be with our Peruvian Princesses, desiring justice, grateful for growth, yearning to learn more, pondering mercy, humbled by grace, exploring humility, and still CHOOSING JOY! WELCOME 2011!!!
We "were" at the last step and checking on flights ready to book tickets. My next post was to be... it is time to FLY!!! NOT SO.
I can not even express how sick I feel, my stomach is doing things it has never done before. WHY? We have two daughters who have been told we are coming, we are coming soon.... and then an error in paperwork is noted on the day, the hour, it is to be delivered to the US Embassy. Our daughters are not 2 and 3 years old with no concept of time, and yes they have been there along time and this small delay is nothing in comparison,and all the other things people want to throw out at me! BUT these are MY DAUGHTERS and they are ready to be with their parents, I do not want them to lose HOPE that we are coming!
We need prayers, last I knew the judges had been on strike for weeks. There was word that they were supposedly coming back this week, but we need a judge to fix this issue with paperwork. We were planning to meet the girls on January 10th and now we have NO IDEA!!!
Julissa & Johanna's Visa's have FINALLY moved form the NVC (remember, that stands for National Visa Center) and are at the US Embassy in Peru! This is where our Article 5 (or letter to travel) is generated!!!!!!!!!!!
We have been told that it is usually generated in 2 days and sent to the SNA (Secretary of National Adoption.) It was cabled yesterday late afternoon, so that means by Thursday the SNA could have it and this is what is needed to schedule our appointment with them which happens just before we meet our daughters!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!
Just waiting to hear from our SW that we can book our flights... PLEASE pray that we can secure reasonable flights. So many things to consider, fees for changing if we need to stay longer/shorter, flying within 7 days, booking more days than needed and paying for lodging rather than the outrageous fees to change or paying higher prices for adoption flights to avoid fees if necessary but paying higher fees upfront.....
Stay tuned this just might be a 2 post kind of day! OH HAPPY DAY!!!
My heart was aching and the tears were flowing, anything, everything and nothing.... I cried. It was Christmas Eve and I had been busy preparing myself for Christmas Day.
We changed plans to help with the disappointment and longing. My lovely friend Mabel willingly helped us call our daughters and after several attempts and hang ups we had the opportunity to hear both of daughters voices on Christmas Eve.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to US!!! Our youngest got on the phone and exclaimed, "Mama, Mama, Mama Tracy." I was waiting for her to continue in my awe of hearing her call out to me, when she explained the third time, Mama Tracy.... (like I am talking to you) I replied and and she quickly asked when are you coming to get us? It is so hard to explain as soon as these papers move and to assure her I would have been there on Thanksgiving if it had been up to me.
It was great to hear them and to know they are still very excited and even more ready to be with us.
So ready to be with them and looking forward to starting our small family traditions in 2011!
I woke early this morning, unsettled and thinking of my daughters... and about how excited I had been about being with them for Christmas. I KNOW, we will be with them soon, but for today, I am dealing with a deep pain in my heart as I long to be with with our daughters. I did everything in my human ability to assist in moving this process along and it was not enough. I can not do all things on my own.... a lesson I have repeatedly learned and leaned into in this process, has once again been confirmed.
Calling the national this and the national that and speaking to people on the other end, who have no sense of urgency, does not help.
I have revisited the day we learned that we were parents to these two AMAZING girls. I can not help but recall the JOY, the JOY of hearing Julissa's voice on her 12th birthday, the JOY others have offered through prayers, thoughts, and gifts. So much JOY to know and experience today. It is in my head and in my heart, but today I am struggling with experiencing JOY, because sadness crept up.
And then I am reminded of the words of a man whom I admire greatly, a man who died just one year ago traveling home to his family (several of whom he became daddy to through the miracle of adoption) after being at a training to help fight human trafficking, Derek Loux.
My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him.”
So as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, who redeemed us, who taught us how to live, I am CHOOSING JOY on this Christmas Eve. JOY that I have found as I rely on our Savior to wipe away my tears today. JOY in the privilege to be called Mommy.
It brings me great JOY when others think of my loved ones. I am pretty sure it makes me happier to observe the kindness of others done unto my loved ones and this one is no different.
I have been tracking various packages over the last couple of weeks, a few summer clothes, a couple pairs of open toe and heel shoes (with guesstimates for sizes) and a box of little goodies for our daughters to make goodie bags for the 60 girls they are leaving behind as they wait and hope for Forever Families. I was excited today as the UPS guy drove up. I met him at the door. He had 2 boxes for me, I was expecting one. I happily exclaimed, "are these both for me?" He replied, yes mam.. "oh you have made my day! I opened the BIG unexpected box first to find 2 wrapped gifts snuggled in big bubble wrap, with 2 Christmas bags filled with candy and a note in each bag, written in Spanish, addressed to my daughters! What JOY!!!
An old friend, in fact one that I have not had much contact with over the last 10 years, thought of our daughters and acted on his thoughts and sent them (translated his Spanish note, to discover the wrapped gifts were) his favorite childhood games.
Thank you Dennis, the fact that you thought of our daughters has brought GREAT JOY in our waiting!
As I spend time thinking about what it means to be JOYFUL, to experience JOYand to choose JOY, I am reminded that much like LOVE, JOY is a choice.I have so much to be joyful about. JOY is an emotion or a state of being and I my friends, have great reason to be JOYful, experience JOY and to choose JOY, even in the waiting. We are parents to two girls who long to be part of a family and whom we long to parent. What JOY!!! We have grown and learned in the midst of this loooong journey and I appreciate growing & learning. What JOY!
I am not going to let the sadness of this waiting STEAL MY JOY... I AM JOYful and I WILL express my JOY that we have made great strides in this journey in the last 4 months. It does not serve me well to focus on the sadness that I experience and miss out on experiencing JOY.
As I began to meditate on JOY, and the idea of being intentional about experiencing and knowing JOY. My sweet friend Paige surprised me with this necklace. I had decided to have her make a necklace for Julissa for our Gotcha Day gift. When I received the package I was delighted. I have had it on every waking hour since it arrived mid week. Thank you friend, thank you for being part of the JOY I am knowing in this time of waiting.
We have had people reach out and give donations to offset the increased expenses of the high season of travel to Peru. What JOY it brings to my heart to know people are thinking of us and our daughters and have joined us in this way on our journey!
In the sadness of not being with our daughters, my sister Tarsha, called and said I want to help you make stockings to bring with you when you DO go. In our excitement I shared I wanted to make them stockings from burlap and we quickly embarked on this project. About as quick as we embarked, we realized that using a sewing machine was neither of our fortes, however, considering we are both quite resourceful, she placed a text to her friend JOY for some help.
These stockings will make the trek to Peru and fill my daughters hearts with JOY as they place their tender hands inside and to find the treasures that await.
Friends, family, and followers, let me encourage you to never forgo the JOY one, two, three or more orphans can bring to you in the waiting.
I really am a simple girl.... less is more and with quality time as my LOVE language I do not want for much. Just being with the ones I LOVE is the absolute best!
However, this year I had a Christmas wish and that was to be with our daughters for Christmas, this was our daughters wish as well. My wish will NOT be granted this year. WHY, paperwork!
Ben likes to say, "you would live in a hut if you could and sit and stare at each other and that would make you the happiest! Oh how I love my dramatic hubby whom I will spend one more Christmas with, perhaps his gift to me this year will be sitting on the couch and starring at me, minus the hut. We will find JOY in that we are parents to 2 AMAZING girls who have expressed that their hearts are ready to meet their mommy & daddy. I am NOT pretending this is easy. I am heartbroken. I am heart broken because I LOVE and I would not want it any other way this CHRISTMAS!
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” CS Lewis
So this Christmas I AM CHOOSING to find JOY in the gift of LOVE.
Mommy & daddy love you Julissa & Johanna and we WILL be together for Christmas 2011! Our Christmas wish granted!
So our papers have been received and reviewed at NBC CHECK
Now they go to NVC (like all the acronyms?) National Visa Center who cables them to the Embassey.
So tonight I will call the NVC and see about the speediness of this cabling process. I worked with 2 adoption travel agents yesterday and the rates were changing and non matching between the 2 of them all day. Flights are limited and expensive. Flights for the girls ranged from $630.00 to $1700.00 for one way tickets and I was told it is illegal for an agent to book a RT ticket if they know it is only one way. I am hopeful that I can get an answer later today or in the morning about booking these. They are expensive because it is summer in Peru, in addition to Christmas. So waiting until after Christmas would not be a help. Additionally, I have done my research.... :) and it is best to use a travel agent in these circumstances.
We are hopeful that we will FLY on Tuesday or Wednesday, to make it to Peru and have our meeting with the SNA on Wednesday or Thursday at the latest. They are closed on Christmas Eve. We are thrilled that the papers have moved so rapidly and we STILL have HOPE that will be with our daughters on Christmas. This would be the best CHRISTMAS present ever since the GIFT of Christmas. More than a Christmas present our prayer is that our daughters would know that this years Christmas gift is representative of how much we love them and that we did everything possible to be with them on Christmas because of our love. A gift that they would truly have forever! Our Gotcha Day to be celebrated on Christmas! We are believing it can happen!
Thank you for ALL for the PRAYERS, words of ENCOURAGEMENT, and EXCITEMENT as you journey with us to our union as a FOREVER FAMILY!!!
Hi all- it’s Ben (or Corey depending on what you call me). I haven’t had much chance to co-blog with Tracy over the past year, but have wanted to begin to join her in this. So, you’ll be seeing more from me, but for now, here’s my first blog:
As you can imagine, as of late I’ve had a lot of things on my mind. One of the many things I have been pondering is just how much I am able to see God’s hand over every step of this adoption process. While there were many seasons of discouragement and “no news”, looking back from the present vantage point, it is very clear to me at how deeply God was involved this whole time. Multiple agency hurdles that were out of the ordinary (and threatened our adoption), have now all been jumped. Thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of agency and other fees have all been paid (against all odds these last two years). It’s amazing. And, the timing turns out to be better than had I planned it myself: we’re traveling within weeks of me finishing seminary (instead of during), and January-February (when we’ll be in Peru) are the only two months of the year where I am not busy with Corey Pro. I just can’t imagine more profound ways for God to show me his fingerprints on this whole process. In light of all these things, I’ve been spending a lot of time offering my gratitude back up to Him.
As part of this process, I found myself meditating on the prayer of another soon-to-be parent: Mary, the mother of Jesus. Sadly, I think we protestants too often pass her over and miss out on the richness of what we can learn from her. As she prepared to give birth to Jesus, just as we prepare to become parents to our girls, she began to offer back to God her gratitude in what we now call the Magnificant, or the Song of Mary, as found in Luke 1. Never before did I read this and so deeply connect with it, but today, I do. I’ve read it, I’ve listened to it sung, I’ve re-written it in my own words, and prayed it. 2000 years ago it was Mary’s song, but today it’s mine.
So, if you want to get a glimpse inside our hearts as we prepare to complete this long process, you can through the Magnificant.
Here's the words of Mary:
Mary’s Song
46 And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord 47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed, 49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name. 50 His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation. 51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. 52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble. 53 He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty. 54 He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful 55 to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”
And of course, things only get better when you add music to them:
After several days of meditating on this passage, I re-wrote the prayer in a way that was specific to my life, and in a way that expressed my gratitude for the many ways in which God has "done great things for us." So, as I close my "first" post, here is my prayer, as adapted from Mary:
The person deep within me wants to shine a magnifying glass on God,
And my innermost spirit is continually rejoicing in my savior,
Because He has seen the humble desire of my heart to be a father to the fatherless.
And now, everyone can see that God is real, because He has publically blessed me.
I can’t stop thinking about this Almighty God, who has done such great things for us! Certainly, His name is set apart from every other name in the universe.
He has shown that his mercy is freely given to those who pursue the type of restorative justice that only he can bring to a broken and hurting world.
May every generation that proceeds from my adoptive seed loudly proclaim that God is God alone.
He has show us how strong and determined his hands are!
He set aside the pretentious people who stood in the way of this new family, and He accomplished it in spite of them.
He has shattered the unjust and oppressive ways of this world by now lifting these two girls, lowly in the eyes of this world, to the high place where they can see God for who he really is: a loving father.
My spirit still can’t stop thinking about this Almighty God who has done such great things for my family!
He is about to take these two girls, who are physically and emotionally hungry, and he is going to fill their hunger in ways they never even dreamed. At the same time, he is sending the rich and selfish away- empty handed.
Because he has remembered, that even with all of my sin and failures, I still have chosen to humbly serve him- and as a result, he has shown me his mercy and blessing.
I rejoice over the fact that God has again kept his promise to Abraham through me, and that as one of his descendants I now too have the opportunity to bless the world of these two orphan girls.
I will continue to praise this Almighty God, because he has done great things for us.
I get so excited when we get a document that indicates another step closer to being with our girls, then I wait and wait, no return phone calls, no return emails, no apparent sense of urgency for others! FINALLY, we heard that our documents are "on the floor" at homeland security, probably literally for all I know. Our assigned Officer has been out since the 3rd and will return tomorrow. Not sure why anyone covers her work while she is away, because she certainly didn't return calls or emails to me. I will follow up with our Officer tomorrow and see if she will "get it off the floor" and process it! (You would think they did this as a favor or for free and not a VERY EXPENSIVE service)!
Here I am in RAW! This is what it is like sometimes when you give your heart and LOVE.
I am trying to pace myself with packing and being ready, yet I want to be ready to fly on the drop of a dime!
So today I went on a little outing for the dramimine, pepto and midol for the girls and will pack my summer clothes in my suitcase tomorrow.
Thankful that I have my half pint sized friend, who appreciates having me home and will miss me to naughtiness when I FLY!
How sweet is Saige, our Puerto Rican rescue dog who came to us just in August. Here she is all cuddled up to me as i try to work on the computer......she loves me without a doubt!
Finally I found her! I have searched high and low for a Latina baby doll. Really people, why only white baby dolls and CRAZY scary looking dolls with HUGE heads and small bodies? After much persistence I found the baby we will give to our little Miss Johanna on our GOTCHA DAY! I CAN NOT wait!
Now, to decide on what we will give to Julissa...
Love the PINK, Johanna's favorite color~
Thank you Daddy for taking pictures of this long sought out Latino Baby doll so Mom could share her JOY!
I know 2 post in one morning! BUT the mail came and we received our Receipts from the Lockbox which were dated December 2, 2010! This means that it went to NBC, which is the last stop state side before it goes to the US Embassy in Peru where they write the invite to travel! So CHECK!!!
We are another step closer to being with OUR daughters! So for the papers to keep moving!!!! This is 2 times in one month that we have seen our papers move in 2-3 days while at the Lockbox! The reported time is 14-21 days.
Thank you for continuing to PRAY for those final documents, flights and lodging!
It is official that my heart is in Peru..... You have no idea! After sharing a little glimpse of Julissa's birthday any tiny piece that was hanging on is no longer.
I can only imagine that what I am experiecing is PURE JOY. To wake suddenly at any hour of the night with a SMILE on my face thinking of our girls, has got to be the best experience of my life. I can not shake it even when I try, thoughts of our girls are always on my mind. In fact you may have been on the receiving end when I have asked you to repeat what you just said to me, or almost blown through a red light that I was looking at it and yet my mind just did not register RED=STOP! You may have been the one to hear, I don't understand or I just can't do that it doesn't make sense. Let me just tell you when the 18 inches between your head and your heart is difficult to reconcile...... just IMAGINE adding thousands of miles........
We are waiting on the Visa's to move from the lockbox still! We are feeling peaceful about this process. We have done everything we can to assist/aid the people 'working' on our behalf and we are trusting God for the outcome. Hearing our sweet little daughter plead with us to commit to a time when she and her sister would be with us and then ASK if we could be together for Christmas was incredibly emotional. I do not believe I will ever tire of hearing our dear friend 'Aunty Liz' retell me the conversation we had with her on her birthday. She was advocating for herself and her sister and Liz tells me "they are so ready to know you."
We are asking to join us in prayer for three things!
1. For our paper work to move and to be united with them by Christmas!
2. Lodging, it is summer in Peru and the available lodging at this time is scarce and way out of what we had budgeted for.
3. Flights..... YIKES.... again due to the time of year, flights are double what we had been seeing for months.
SUMMARY, to be with our girls by Christmas, that we can secure reasonable flights and that lodging would be found for our entire stay!
We appreciate your support and covet your prayers.
UNREAL..... we just had a glimpse... We had two incredible ladies facilitate to make this conversation happen. What a WONDERFUL GIFT you gave us and our daughter on her 12th birthday.
Julissa relayed that both she and Johanna were ready and eager to meet us. She said they love us very much and then my heart BROKE.... Will we be able to spend Christmas together? Her daddy relayed several times that we are trying our best and that it is paperwork we are waiting on, while mommy cried in his arms.
Dear God you know this mothers heart and our daughters heart, PLEASE unite us for CHRISTMAS!
Daddy asked Julissa, if there was anything she wanted us to bring. Julissa replied, not really, nothing specific, but if you want to bring us something little you can.
Liz, did an AMAZING job translating for us. She shared that Julissa was very focused on seeing us and just wanted a time.
As I was driving to an appointment, I said to Ben..... "its been 2 weeks today that we were matched, WHY is it taking so long to hear any news. He pulled out his trusty iPhone to see if he had received any emails in the last 5 minutes and WOW.... an email with an update. Let me tell you, these updates carry you during the waiting. Our girls have been told and they are both VERY happy to be adopted and very happy to remain together.
Our oldest will be 12 tomorrow and she has been caring and thinking for herself and her little sister. We had received a translated letter that she had written in August of this year consenting to be adopted and BEGGING to not be separated from her sister. It was sweet, sad, and overwhelming to read. To be 11 and be asked to make a life changing decision for yourself and your little sister, is heart wrenching when you read knowing this is your daughter. So today we received the GREAT news that they have been given the news and that their 2 wishes had been granted, while driving was UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!! To be adopted rapido (fast) and to remain together. They each have a picture of us. It is another day closer to being uniting with our daughters.
We got the approval to send their care packages and I went numb.... wait we need to change it up a bit, something to hold from Papa and Mama.
Off to find our girls something.... and we will have the opportunity to call tomorrow to talk to our birthday girl!
