Paving the Way

As we continue to journey the unknowns of adoption I continue to be AMAZED at the peace I am experiencing at this point.  My heart is full of JOY as I see the doors opening as we prepare to bring home our older daughters and the possibilities of my increased availabilty in their life.  I will be vague at this time as we are not yet prepared to share quite yet!  But we will be sharing soon.... 

Our desire to adopt older children was very intentional, thought out, and carfeully examined as we explored the country and the agency to work with.  We both felt very confident about the age range and children to pursue.  In fact we decided on Peru and then chose our agency based on the fact that they had a Waiting Angels, now called Priority Adoptions (PA) program.  The PA program specializes in placing young children with disabilities, older children, and sibling groups.  We chose the PA program concurrently for the older children and sibling groups.  We were supported by some, questioned by others, some even visually displayed disappointment, I think for themselves, that we were not bringing home little ones!  All the while     we were questioned , challenged, and presented with multiple hurdles in our pursuit of this older sibling group.  We were told we were a minority for choosing to adopt before having biological children.  We were encouraged to consider another country where we could adopt quicker or where we could bring home children within our approved range.  We followed the advice to "consider" another country and once again determined our hearts were for the older siblings in Peru.  Just because it was a more difficult country or longer than what we were told, we became more confident that it was the very reason to stay the course for our children.  I just might think we have heard ALL the reasons why we are minorities and should know it is not common to adopt before biological children, what is most desired by families, what the popular trends are, and in the end........ joust how"RISKY" it is to adopt older children, that further confirmed WHY we arrived at the decision to parent older children.

Although we were not initially approved to adopt the age range we desired due to the social worker's (SW) clinical opinion that we were too young, we advocated for our daughters and ourselves.  (NOTE: as a clinician I was never informed that being too young was a clinical impression, an alterior motive for sure!) 

ADVOCATE...... that defines me!!!!

QUESTIONING and SEEKING clarification...... that is how I learn

LEARNING....  that is what I love

LOVE....... defends, restores, and empowers and that is what EVERY older child deserves.

The doors were not open to bring home children in the age range that we were approved for!  The very hoemstudy SW who made that errouneous window, one year later, was determined to stand her ground.  After exhausting our options for the moment with the current ageny, advocating, questioning, seeking and more learning..... LOVE WON!!!!! Our girls were ready for their forever family and it became clear that we would need to change homestudy agencies and spend triple the money to get the update!  WE DID and we were approved for even older children than we requested!

As I continue to reflect on this journey and plan their homecoming, I AM AMAZED at how ALL the details have fallen into place.  NOW we are in a pursuit that makes my heart pump faster and the reality of parenting my worthy older daughters as they heal.  I SEE the PAVING OF THE WAY!

Not What We Had Planned

Well, not what we had hoped for, longed for, and better yet prayed for.  So DISAPPOINTED is an accurate word to describe how we feel about not being matched yesterday.
PEACEFUL is the word we can use to describe how we feel about the process going forward.  We are sad that the details didn't work out the way we desired, yet hopeful that the very One who cares for us and is holding our dear girls hearts is also holding ours. Our faith in God is being stretched beyond ourselves once again.  As we reflect on this 22 month long journey we are reminded that it is true that He has the details all worked out.  We have experienced this first hand throughout this journey despite the way we felt in the moments of disappointment. RELIEVED is the word to describe how wonderful it is to know that we have done our part and that we do not have to hold onto a false sense of control of what happens from here.
This reminds of a post I posted a little while back about LOVE.  Another reason that we love "our girls" even more today than yesterday..... because love is a choice and
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." ~CS Lewis~
The journey to our girls is only the beginning of our journey as a forever family and although lonely and painful at times, I am changing and how incredible it is to know that it is the journey to them that has been instrumental in my learning, growing, stretching beyond what I believed was possible, and letting go.
We continue to hold on to hope that it is possible to be with our girls on Christmas.  We so desperately wanted to be in Peru on 8 December to celebrate our oldest 12th birthday. (the average age a child, mostly girls, enters a life of human slavery)  however, we will have her 12th year to celebrate that she is home, safe, loved, and treasured.
We would covet your prayers for fast turnaround times with the USCIS to increase  the immigration ages and then once officially matched to receive their VISA approvals so we can travel.
Next Consejo~ November 23rd @ 9 am.

KISSES IN THE WIND

(The Waiting Child's Lullabye-adapted for "OUR GIRLS")

WE hold you in our hearts and touch you in OUR dreams.

You are here each day with us, at least that's how it seems.

WE know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.

Oh GIRLS, WE love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...

Because tonight, just as always, WE blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hands until WE can be with you.

WE promise you, OUR darlings, WE’RE doing all that WE can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.

But for tonight, just as always, WE blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.

And let the angels bring the kisses that WE send to you each night.

Good night, J and J... Mama and Papa LOVE YOU BOTH and are so excited to be united as

A FOREVER FAMILY!!!! 

(Words in Orange- changed to share with both of our girls.)

I DID IT!

Wednesday is under 100 hours away and Wednesday is a BIG day for our family.  Wednesday is one of the first dates we have held onto in this ALMOST 22 month paper pregnancy.... Wednesday is the day that our girls asked the social worker in August, "if it could happen fast!"  Wednesday is the day in October where very powerful people meet in Peru meet one time and match child/ren with the family they believe is the best match for the child/ren's emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well being.  We have presented ourselves to these esteemed people and shared our hearts in a letter of how we already care for these girls and why we believe we are the forever family for them.  

Of course, our faith in God comforts us in that we believe that He already knows the outcome.  He has known all along, even at the time these girls were conceived by their .... He knows their days.

For anyone that knows and loves me, I am fairly well adept at taking charge and making things happen and when things are beyond my control I double and triple check to make sure there is not just one more detail I can "assist" with to influence (or have even a false sense of control of) the outcome.  The journey to our girls has taught me so much, that really there are very few things in this life that I can and do control.  This has brought me great peace as I have been learning to do all I can like it is up to me and then pray like it is ALL up to God.  I have peace, peace beyond anything I would have ever IMAGINED knowing that we have done our part and that it is not up to me from here. 

So I DID IT!!!!! Having peace that surpasses ALL UNDERSTANDING and faith that we will be matched on Wednesday.......I made my first clothing purchase. ENJOY!  

 Yes, coordinated.  I guessed on their size ranging in their age and SMILED as I made my $5.00 a vest purchase.  

I look forward to introducing our girls !!!

Highly Recommended for ALL parents.....

 "I have never met a child there is no hope for...We can help any child experience dramatic levels of healing. Doesn't happen in a vacuum. We must train families...When a child learns that their voice has power, they do not resort to voilence." Karyn Purvis
Karyn Purvis talks about children from hard places.  Interesting to hear her perspective on what some of those hard places are..... including a difficult birth (delivery).

.http://empoweredtoconnect.org/insights-gifts-video-series/

NEXT CONSEJO (matching meeting)

The day we have been waiting for for 22 months.  Wednesday. October 27th is the next consejo in Peru.  We know that our request for matching with 2 very special girls is at the SNA and ready for the meeting!  Please join us in praying that our file is reviewed and assigned at this meeting!  Once matched we can request VISAS for our two princesses and an Article 5 will be issued clearing them to enter the US...... When the article 5 is issued WE CAN FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  At that point we will be on the next possible plane to Lima, Peru to continue this nxt phase in bringing our princesses home.  Words can not describe the JOY I feel and tremble as I type that we are so close to embarking on the next phase in our journey.

Stay tuned...... I can NOT wait to blog this post!

Chincha Central Plaza - Ica - Peru

Believing IS Seeing

We are seeing things begin to change and although we know most would say it is wise to proceed with caution, LOVE knows no limits and we struggle with the 'how to' of being wise when the head and the heart do not agree.  After having our dossier approved in Peru, and our new homestudy agency approve us to adopt sisters up to the age of 14 years old, sent in more paper work, more money and requests to update our current status with the USCIS, the next step is to officially make a request to the SNA.  The request is basically sharing your strengths as a couple/family and how we will meet the emotional, physical, educational, etc needs of the girls.  Additionally our psychologist writes a recommendation for us based on his evaluation of us stating we are capable of meeting their needs as described and are willing to address any and all unknown needs that arise.  Once these letters are translated and received by the SNA we can be officially matched with our daughters at the next consejo in Peru!  THESE LETTERS ARE ON THE WAY TO PERU!!! We are hopeful that our paperwork for the USCIS is expedited and the necessary paperwork is in Peru by the October consejo!  Believing that with God, ALL things are possible, and this CAN happen.  Once matched we would then send for the girls VISAS and as soon as we receive the article 5 letter....... WE WILL BE ON OUR WAY TO PERU!!!!

We FEEL Like DANCING!!!!

Oh,,,, that breeze.... I could sing and dance and shout and start ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!  We have a homestudy that is approved for girls up to the age of 14!!!!!!  What a different experience.  We met our new Social Worker (SW) this morning from our new homestudy agency here in MA and she was a GEM.  An immigrant herself, who has been doing adoptions for 30 + years.  She chatted with us, checked out our home, (loved our Saige girl) and thought we were warm and wonderful people and enjoyed her time with us!  Likewise, we enjoyed her.  It was a mutual discussion about who we are and what we have expereinced and she thought we were "clinically fine" for older children.  She is going to work fast to get our report done with our increase in age, and we have sent out our request to our former agency to release our file to the new agency and to the state for background checks.  When these checks are done, we can complete a supplement to our USCIS (immigration) paperwork to get approved for the older girls and then move forward with Peru and request the 2 girls (sisters) that we hoping to pursue.  Once we are matched with them, we have to apply for their VISAS and as soon as we recieve what is called an article 5 we will travel just days later.    Oh my heart is DANCING, my soul is weeping tears of JOY, and I can hardly wait to hug my daughters!  The barriers have been removed and the TEAM is TOGETHER!
All I want for CHRISTMAS is my 2 peruvian princess!  I BELIEVE in MIRACLES............

Who Is On Your Journey?

In the midst of this journey we have traveled through seasons.  I will be honest, I REALLY dislike winter, but if I reflect there are things about all 4 seasons that I appreciate.  Our adoption journey has been much the same.  When we started we were told it would be 12-18 months, beginning to end.  That means at best our girls COULD have been home by Christmas 2009 and worst case by June 2010.  Here we are almost to Christmas 2010 and the chances are less likely that our girls will be here for yet another Christmas.  This season of the journey is much like winter to me.  Winter is cold and frigid, lonely and long and you long for a warm spring breeze on your face when people come out from various places proclaiming spring is here. New sounds, smells, sights, FRESHNESS!  As you catch your breathe you begin to shed layers of protection from the cold, the harshness of winter and open yourself up to the warmth.  This journey has been long and lonely and at times painful, and yet I have been encouraged by a loving SW from our adoption agency, other Peruvian adopting parents, and a few others who know the unknowns of adoption.  Last evening we were so ENCOURAGED as our small group prayed for us.  It was like that first warm breeze you feel after the long frigid winter, when the thought of another winter day is just unbearable.  Life is a journey, full of seasons, meant to be lived out with others, to share in each others joyous seasons, dreaded seasons, quiet seasons, and/or the unknown season.  We were created for various relationships and to journey together. No one was intended to go it alone..... not even the orphan........
Oh girls, people are praying for you, praying for us, being home for Christmas 2010 may seem less likely, BUT WE KNOW and TRUST a GOD who has perfect timing and there are no less-like-lies in HIS book.

When You Can Not Explain

From the beginning of the adoption journey, we were made AWARE, CLEAR, REMINDED, QUESTIONED, CORNERED, and asked to clarify a second and third time of our intentions "because we were considered a minority" by our homestudy agency here in Massachusetts. 

Adoption is often a way for couples with fertility issues to build  a family or to add to a family after having biological children.  It is not considered "typical" to choose to adopt prior to having biological children, nor is it "typical" to desire to adopt older children.  We never thought of ourselves as atypical, different, special, or politically correct.  We had no idea, that our RESPONSE to caring for the least of these and most vulnerable not making clinical sense to a social worker (SW) would cause such difficulty in our adoption process.

We have been told older children have too many problem, too many psychological issues, and our homestudy SW abandoned us 5 months  after completing our visits, in hope that we would go away or change our minds. We both called the office, no return calls, we both wrote emails, no return emails, we were told the agency server crashed a couple of times although we got read receipts months later. 

Thankfully,we have our adoption agency in AL who has been present for the whole journey and supports our desire.  Additionally we have a Clinical Psychologist who believes we have a good understanding of what we are about to undertake and he has been gracious to us in our multiple requests to write reports and support our requests.

We are not adopting to have a white picket fence family.  We do not desire 2.5 children.  We UNDERSTAND older girls chances of being adopted are SIGNIFICANTLY decreased, decreased due to age or being in a sibling group with a sibling that was "too old" Our hearts burn for these girls.  They are the PRIME to be victims when they age out of the orphanges to be led into human trafficking.  A life of slavery and sex.  NO ONE DESERVES this LIFE!!! NO ONE!!!! And WE WILL DO OUR part to offer hope and healing to older girls, despite being minorities, despite our age and despite that life *may* not be easy.