A letter shared by an adoptive mother that she wrote to herself 5 years post adopt. I have edited to share what I feel 18 months out. I just crossed out what did not apply to me and italicized the words I added.
A letter to my {pre-adoption} self
Dear Nancy (in 2007) Tracy
I know you’ve just started to seriously consider adopting a child. I
know that the thought of adopting has been on your mind not just years,
but since you were a little girl and heard about the abandoned baby
girls in China and saw videos of the Romanian orphanages heart for many years. So I
understand that adopting isn’t an impulsive thought. And I know that
even though you don’t know how or where your children will come to you,
or what he or they will look like, you are excited… and unsure… and
scared peaceful all at the same time.
But I am you… five years 18 months later… and 18 months into your adoption
journey. And I want you to know some things that I think will help you
along the way, some really important things.
1) I know that you are currently thinking that adoption is a great
way to add to your family, and it is! But you should know Remember you knew that your
adoption journey is going to be so much more than that you can even imagine. Adoption is
gonna rock your world like you’ve never imagined! You will not be the
same woman ever again. It will be profound in your life. Bigger than you
can fathom. Be brave and faithful, and you will be rewarded.
2) I don’t want to scare you, but you need to know this. This journey
will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You will cry. Your heart
will break, and you will feel grief like you’ve never felt before, so
much that there will be moments that you fall to your knees. There will
be days your sadness envelops everything you do. During the worst times,
you will withdraw from both your family and friends and feel completely
and utterly alone. And indeed, there will be no person around you that
can either understand the grief in your soul or console you. I promise
you, it will get better. Please know, the trials of the process are part
of what make the rewards so great.
3) In your times of pain and sorrow, you will never be alone. Not
only will God be with you, but in times of grief, your relationship with
God will grow and become something more amazing and powerful than you
can imagine. There will be days when you pray without ceasing. And in
these times, you will feel His hand comforting you. Trust Him. Feel Him.
Lean into Him. Listen to His quiet whisper in your soul, but also be
prepared when He speaks loud and clear.
4) Some of those closest to you will doubt your sanity, your
judgment, and your worth. You will lose close friendships of people you
thought you’d have your whole life. You will be questioned and judged.
But you will also gain amazing friendships of people you don’t even know
yet! Some will have walked a mile in your shoes and will “get it.”
Other friends won’t have a clue what you’ve been though, and that will
be ok too because you’ll learn that they love you completely and totally
unconditionally. These friends will hold you in the hard times and will
be the first to celebrate the blessings.
5) I know you’re a mom already, but get ready to love someone you
haven’t met yet like you don’t even think is possible! Oh I wish I could
tell you just how much you are going to love this child these girls! This love is
just so so much more than you can imagine it will be. Once you meet this
child these girls, you will be so certain that this is the child these are the girls that you were destined
to have all along. I know that right now you can only try to visualize
the face of your children, and I know you try to imagine what it will be
like to make this child, a child another woman grew inside her, your
own. But get ready to shake with emotion when you first see your child
enter the doorway. You’ll remember every little detail of the moment you
meet your child, met your children and although you’ll try, no words will come close to
expressing how amazing it was to have that child placed in your arms. wrap
your arms around them. You will be awed daily. A tiny weak frail child will be the strongest
person you have ever met. This child They will teach you more about life than
anyone ever has, without ever saying a word. Get ready to burst with
pride and joy and so so much love.
6) You’re never going to see the world the same way again. I know
that you already see blessings and God’s beauty, but trust me when I say
that this world is even more beautiful and amazing than what you see
right now. After this journey, a child’s laughter will sound even
sweeter. Your husband’s hand in yours, no matter where you are at, will
be the best place in the world to be. You will appreciate a nap and a
tidy home even more than you do now. The sweet smell of rain will seem
like God’s little miracle just for you. A smile will creep up your face
more easily. You will fear things that you’ve never thought of before.
And you will run towards and embrace things that currently scare the
pants off you… like the words “special needs.” Your priorities and goals
that you value now may be shelved and forgotten forever. But soon,
you’ll have a much better appreciation of are what’s really important and
truly beautiful in this world.
7) You will doubt yourself. You will doubt your decisions, your
worth, and your ability to do what you willingly and gladly chose to do.
You’ll lose sleep. You will have times when you are sure that God
overestimated your capabilities, and you will plead with Him to lighten
your burden. And because you not only chose, but actively sought out
this adoption path, you will feel unworthy to complain or stress or
regret… yet at times you’ll feel quite unworthy and have stress and feel
regret. Know it’s ok to change your mind. It’s alright to re-assess and
change directions. It’s ok to quit and take up a different path. And in
this process, you’re confidence will grow strong.
8) Through your adoption journey, you will learn more about yourself
than you thought possible. You’ll learn that you are stronger than you
thought. You’ll learn that you can be pulled in a gazillion different
directions and still get everything that needs to be done, done. You’ll
learn who really loves you. You’ll learn to walk away from the things
that don’t really matter and concentrate your energy on the things that
do. You’ll learn lessons in patience, and you’ll come to appreciate how
amazingly proactive you can be orchrastated every single job you had prepared you for what you would need to know to advocate for your girls. Some things that you think are important
right now, won’t even be a thought in five years. And things you never
even considered, will completely occupy your thoughts and your actions.
9) Although you will learn so much and gain strategies and techniques
to become a better parent, you will never get to a place where you feel
like you pretty much know what you are doing and feel totally confident
in your decisions and actions. You will not have all the answers all
the time. And that’s ok. On many occasions you will feel like you are
going crazy and are completely out of control. Do the best that you can
do at the time, because actually that’s all you can do. Listen to your gut.
You’re going to make mistakes, lots of them in fact, and try not to
feel guilty about what you did wrong or what you could have done better.
It’s ok to wing it. It’s alright to pretend. Go ahead and fake work it till
you figure out a better way.
10) Five years later, in some ways, your life will be just as you had
imagined. And in some ways it will be very different. Five years later,
you will still be on this adoption journey, and you will realize that
it is a journey that lasts a lifetime. There is no destination, just the
journey itself. It doesn’t end the day you unite with a yourFive years later, you will be so very amazingly
happy. You really will be! And it doesn’t stop there! You be content.
And confident. And so fulfilled. And the Lord will bless you more
abundantly than you ever dared to ask for. And five years later, you’ll
be so You will be very sure that the adoption journey was one that you were meant
and called to do.
I understand that you really won’t be able to appreciate these words
now. I know that without the experiences behind them, they are just
that… words. You can’t really understand the depth of what I’m saying
now. But you will in five years 18 months.
Love,
