In the blog world I have noticed that the absence of blogging means only a couple of things, your busy and overwhelmed or your hurting and without words. Rarely does the absence represent a lack of desire to share the joy and laughter that fills families hearts and homes.
Our close friends and families have walked with us in some of the darkest days and words are not enough to express our gratitude for hanging with us on this part of of our journey. Thank you is only the beginning of how we acknowledge you for your love, prayers, listening ears, time, hugs, fasting, tissues, text, emails, flowers, calls and more. We have found comfort in each of these acts and appreciate you for being the hands and feet of Jesus, intentionally and unintentionally.
It is my desire to share our story at some point in the future, for one purpose, to shed light on the reality of what is happening and to awaken many to the realities of the injustices of the world and the caution of judgement.
What rings true for me today as my newsfeed has shown several times is this story...........
I AM ADAM LANZA'S MOTHER.
This mother's story highlights the need for acknowledgment of mental health issues and need of access to mental health treatment. We have our own experiences to speak to with the what she is saying in the following quotes
While every family's story of mental illness is different, and we may never know the whole of the Lanza's story, tales like this one need to be heard -- and families who live them deserve our help.
" his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.“
“You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to......I have rights!” "I love my son. But he terrifies me."
"His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan"
"That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room."
"Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home."
" it’s impossible to predict what will set him off."
“You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.”His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,” he said. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.”
For days, my son insisted that I was lying -- that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, “I hate you. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here.”
By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I’ve heard those promises I don’t believe them anymore.
We know what it is like to watch your child's physical appearance change before your eyes and the words that are spoken be words you can not even repeat when a simple boundary was set, and your younger child to have a safety plan that she shared about how she and her dog stay safe, to have the police arrive at your home multiple times, sometimes in one week, ending in trips to the ER, waiting long enough to be seen that clinicians are confused by why you are there and even they look confused by the chain of events that led to that very moment, to receive an apology to secure a want and when not obliged the rage, threats of harm and clearly articulated intent to lie about us returned with a vengance, to come full circle to maintain great behavior to return home only to begin again.
This cycle repeated itself until the clearly articulated threat that came one full year prior was achieved.
We know about mental illness and we were blessed to have encountered some of the best clinical people in the mental health field. For us it was not about accessing the professionals and recommendations it was about securing the intensive treatment that was recommended to keep our family safe and the hope of our daughter returning home safely. The cost of treatment became the issue and the calculated lies and accusations were used to make us the demons to avoid the payment.
Our concerns for our daughter's safety, our religious convictions, repercussions for following clinical recommendations, and our daughter finally finding people who believed at 13 she had "a voice" that needed to be heard about how she wanted to be parented, and her need for us to change, all contributed to the state agency DISMISSING the mental health issues that had our family living in crisis and fear for 21 months. Our daughter's psychiatrist, a national expert in trauma, provided very clear, signed in an affidavit, that in order for our daughter to benefit from treatment she needed a very specific treatment modality. It just so happens that the "path to this treatment" was very specific in the state of Massachusetts and the goal for the state is to avoid at all cost, led our family to make decisions that NO FAMILY should be forced to make for the sake of safety for the whole family.
We LOVE our daughter, we love both of our daughters, and we value of marriage. The reality of a family is that it consist of more than one individual and one individual's needs. For 21 months we lived, advocated and fought for one individual in our family. It became evident to many, long before this mother's heart, that this one individual needed more than what was manageable or sustainable in a family setting. I was willing to consider and had embraced the idea of parenting our daughter other than I had hoped for and desired. The reality of the overwhelming contributing factors that were way beyond my control, left us to make decisions that gave our marriage and family the best chance of healing and thriving. We had to make the decision that gave our daughter a greater chance at receiving the mental health treatment she needs and keep the rest of the family safe and intact. We had to agree to surrender our legal rights as her parents. NO PARENT should be forced to make this decision. No child should be given, not even considering a child with mental health issues, the power to make decisions on how they wish to be parented and refuse the recommended treatment, with no ability to comprehend the implications of the decisions for the here and now desire. Our hearts are broken, our spirits are raw, our emotions uncomprehendable, our energy is zapped, our resources depleted, and yet our faith is strong.
Our close friends and families have walked with us in some of the darkest days and words are not enough to express our gratitude for hanging with us on this part of of our journey. Thank you is only the beginning of how we acknowledge you for your love, prayers, listening ears, time, hugs, fasting, tissues, text, emails, flowers, calls and more. We have found comfort in each of these acts and appreciate you for being the hands and feet of Jesus, intentionally and unintentionally.
It is my desire to share our story at some point in the future, for one purpose, to shed light on the reality of what is happening and to awaken many to the realities of the injustices of the world and the caution of judgement.
What rings true for me today as my newsfeed has shown several times is this story...........
I AM ADAM LANZA'S MOTHER.
This mother's story highlights the need for acknowledgment of mental health issues and need of access to mental health treatment. We have our own experiences to speak to with the what she is saying in the following quotes
While every family's story of mental illness is different, and we may never know the whole of the Lanza's story, tales like this one need to be heard -- and families who live them deserve our help.
" his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.“
“You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to......I have rights!” "I love my son. But he terrifies me."
"His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan"
"That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room."
"Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home."
" it’s impossible to predict what will set him off."
“You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.”His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,” he said. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.”
For days, my son insisted that I was lying -- that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, “I hate you. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here.”
By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I’ve heard those promises I don’t believe them anymore.
We know what it is like to watch your child's physical appearance change before your eyes and the words that are spoken be words you can not even repeat when a simple boundary was set, and your younger child to have a safety plan that she shared about how she and her dog stay safe, to have the police arrive at your home multiple times, sometimes in one week, ending in trips to the ER, waiting long enough to be seen that clinicians are confused by why you are there and even they look confused by the chain of events that led to that very moment, to receive an apology to secure a want and when not obliged the rage, threats of harm and clearly articulated intent to lie about us returned with a vengance, to come full circle to maintain great behavior to return home only to begin again.
This cycle repeated itself until the clearly articulated threat that came one full year prior was achieved.
We know about mental illness and we were blessed to have encountered some of the best clinical people in the mental health field. For us it was not about accessing the professionals and recommendations it was about securing the intensive treatment that was recommended to keep our family safe and the hope of our daughter returning home safely. The cost of treatment became the issue and the calculated lies and accusations were used to make us the demons to avoid the payment.
Our concerns for our daughter's safety, our religious convictions, repercussions for following clinical recommendations, and our daughter finally finding people who believed at 13 she had "a voice" that needed to be heard about how she wanted to be parented, and her need for us to change, all contributed to the state agency DISMISSING the mental health issues that had our family living in crisis and fear for 21 months. Our daughter's psychiatrist, a national expert in trauma, provided very clear, signed in an affidavit, that in order for our daughter to benefit from treatment she needed a very specific treatment modality. It just so happens that the "path to this treatment" was very specific in the state of Massachusetts and the goal for the state is to avoid at all cost, led our family to make decisions that NO FAMILY should be forced to make for the sake of safety for the whole family.
We LOVE our daughter, we love both of our daughters, and we value of marriage. The reality of a family is that it consist of more than one individual and one individual's needs. For 21 months we lived, advocated and fought for one individual in our family. It became evident to many, long before this mother's heart, that this one individual needed more than what was manageable or sustainable in a family setting. I was willing to consider and had embraced the idea of parenting our daughter other than I had hoped for and desired. The reality of the overwhelming contributing factors that were way beyond my control, left us to make decisions that gave our marriage and family the best chance of healing and thriving. We had to make the decision that gave our daughter a greater chance at receiving the mental health treatment she needs and keep the rest of the family safe and intact. We had to agree to surrender our legal rights as her parents. NO PARENT should be forced to make this decision. No child should be given, not even considering a child with mental health issues, the power to make decisions on how they wish to be parented and refuse the recommended treatment, with no ability to comprehend the implications of the decisions for the here and now desire. Our hearts are broken, our spirits are raw, our emotions uncomprehendable, our energy is zapped, our resources depleted, and yet our faith is strong.
