The days are looooooong when you are waiting. Waiting for clarifications, answers, when you are waiting to HUG your daughters and never let go. I have this constant ache in my heart, it doesn't ever subside. I wake several times a night thinking about our daughters, wondering how often they get a hug, are listened too, are told how special and amazing they are. There is just really no way to shut off the thoughts, feelings and emotions of a waiting mama. Julissa & Johanna were born in my heart over two hears ago. The love, appreciation and desire to care, protect, teach, nurture and love these two girls has only multiplied over the time, the initial meeting, official matching and waiting.
I am not going to lie. I am emotionally exhausted. I am spent. We are "in a relationship" with our agency and with all that has happened and continues to happen and not happen, the trust has been broken in this relationship. We have had no contact, emails left unanswered, contradicting information provided and still no clarification. I am not going to lie, this is a HIGHLY vulnerable place to be.
You see there are some major misconceptions about adopting intercountry and I am not going to fuel those myths. Yes, their has been a lot of issues with Russia and some other Eastern block countries that have made the news or perhaps you know first hand experiences from people you know, love and care about. My heart goes out to them and I do not want to mitigate those circumstances. What I want is to help people know the truth and know how to move forward with intercountry adoption. It starts with knowing the right questions to ask and the follow up questions to the answers provided. It's not the mission statement, the orientation, the countries they serve, or the passion they present. It certainly is not the sales pitch. When we started this process it involved extensive research from countries, to programs, to agencies to parental qualifications and ultimately the decision to bring our daughters home from Peru. The problem is, we did not ask the best questions and what we have learned is that the presentation of the program involved a sales pitch. How do I know? They presented that they offered something that was a limitation to choosing their agency as a specialty. They present that they have access to children in specific orphanages while all agencies in country have access to ALL orphanages where a child/ren is declared abandoned. Finally, we have lived it. This is an agency issue, NOT a country issue. There are some great agencies that have been kind enough to assist me. I have called and asked questions and they have given me answers that were hard to hear. Hard because they are invested in uniting families and they want people to have the most accurate information on which to base their decisions. INTEGRITY! These answers haven proven true and have been the nuggets of truth received from them is what I hold onto.
The positive of choosing this agency is that I have met some wonderful people. Some who were neck in neck with us in the process, some that were further along, and some that are just beginning. We have created a little community where we can offer support, encouragement, and answers questions based on our experiences. I love these women (there are some guys here too, they all seem to let us ladies do the sharing. :) ) I have had the joy of following one family to Peru and home. I even lurked as her sister brought her son home from Ethiopia. These relationships will be great for years to come as we bring our children home.
Adoption is NOT for the faint of heart. It is a journey of unknowns and growing. I want to shout from the mountain top and encourage families to become FOREVER FAMILIES for one, two, three or more of the 153 million orphans. I want to help people make informed decisions, share what we have learned and not avoid intercountry adoption because of the myths that some people believe.
We believe we WILL adopt again. We believe that we become forever families to one, two, three or more of the 153 million orphans waiting. We will ask better questions, we will seek alternate options to the only ones we knew when we began.
I am not going to lie. I am emotionally exhausted. I am spent. We are "in a relationship" with our agency and with all that has happened and continues to happen and not happen, the trust has been broken in this relationship. We have had no contact, emails left unanswered, contradicting information provided and still no clarification. I am not going to lie, this is a HIGHLY vulnerable place to be.
You see there are some major misconceptions about adopting intercountry and I am not going to fuel those myths. Yes, their has been a lot of issues with Russia and some other Eastern block countries that have made the news or perhaps you know first hand experiences from people you know, love and care about. My heart goes out to them and I do not want to mitigate those circumstances. What I want is to help people know the truth and know how to move forward with intercountry adoption. It starts with knowing the right questions to ask and the follow up questions to the answers provided. It's not the mission statement, the orientation, the countries they serve, or the passion they present. It certainly is not the sales pitch. When we started this process it involved extensive research from countries, to programs, to agencies to parental qualifications and ultimately the decision to bring our daughters home from Peru. The problem is, we did not ask the best questions and what we have learned is that the presentation of the program involved a sales pitch. How do I know? They presented that they offered something that was a limitation to choosing their agency as a specialty. They present that they have access to children in specific orphanages while all agencies in country have access to ALL orphanages where a child/ren is declared abandoned. Finally, we have lived it. This is an agency issue, NOT a country issue. There are some great agencies that have been kind enough to assist me. I have called and asked questions and they have given me answers that were hard to hear. Hard because they are invested in uniting families and they want people to have the most accurate information on which to base their decisions. INTEGRITY! These answers haven proven true and have been the nuggets of truth received from them is what I hold onto.
The positive of choosing this agency is that I have met some wonderful people. Some who were neck in neck with us in the process, some that were further along, and some that are just beginning. We have created a little community where we can offer support, encouragement, and answers questions based on our experiences. I love these women (there are some guys here too, they all seem to let us ladies do the sharing. :) ) I have had the joy of following one family to Peru and home. I even lurked as her sister brought her son home from Ethiopia. These relationships will be great for years to come as we bring our children home.
Adoption is NOT for the faint of heart. It is a journey of unknowns and growing. I want to shout from the mountain top and encourage families to become FOREVER FAMILIES for one, two, three or more of the 153 million orphans. I want to help people make informed decisions, share what we have learned and not avoid intercountry adoption because of the myths that some people believe.
We believe we WILL adopt again. We believe that we become forever families to one, two, three or more of the 153 million orphans waiting. We will ask better questions, we will seek alternate options to the only ones we knew when we began.
